bitch ?

..

even God loves a good laff

http://moveoversatan.blogspot.com/2006/06/monsignor-advicea-new-priest-at-his.html

life today

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2006 when..>>>>>>1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.>>>>>>2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.>>>>>>3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.>>>>>>4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.>>>>>>5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that>>>they don't have e-mail addresses.>>>>>>6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if>>>anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.>>>>>>7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the>>>screen.>>>>>>8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the>>>first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and>>>you turn around to go and get it.>>>>>>>>>10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.>>>>>>11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)>>>>>>12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.>>>>>>13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this>>>message.>>>>>>14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.>>>>>>15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this>>>list.>>>>>>AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself...>>>

ask and u shall receive

I asked for strength and God gave me difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for wisdom andGod gave me problems to solve.

I asked for prosperity andGod gave me brawn and brains to work.
I asked for courage andGod gave me dangers to overcome.

I asked for patience and God placed me in situations where I was forced to wait.
I asked for love andGod gave me troubled people to help.

I asked for favors andGod gave me opportunities.
I received nothing I wanted

I received everything I needed.


My prayers have all been answered.
Author Unknown
But Very Much Appreciated!

lovers on line

Karen and I

....

marry me

A Professor at one of the IIM's was explaining economics/marketingconceptsto the Students:-

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!"- That's Direct Marketing

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and seea gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to herand pointing at you says: "He's very rich. Marry him." - That's Advertising

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up toher and get her telephone number.The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."- That's Telemarketing

4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You getup and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her,pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:"By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me?"- That's Public Relations

5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl.She walks up to you and says:"You are very rich! Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up toher and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!"She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.- That's Customer Feedback

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up toher and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband.- That's demand and supply gap

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her:"I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him- That's competition eating into your market share

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives.- That's restriction for entering new markets

old jeans

....

when two net lovers meet in the real

...

God told me to go to war

PM attacked on Iraq 'God' remarks

Mr Blair's remarks
Anti-war campaigners have criticised Tony Blair after he suggested his decision to go to war in Iraq would ultimately be judged by God.
The prime minister told ITV1's Parkinson chat show: "If you believe in God (the judgement) is made by God."

Reg Keys, whose son was killed in Iraq, said Mr Blair was "using God as a get-out for total strategic failure" and his comments were "abhorrent".
But Labour MP Stephen Pound praised Mr Blair for being "painfully honest".
'Right thing'

Mr Blair told Michael Parkinson, in an interview being screened on Saturday, how he had struggled with his conscience when making decisions about a potential war in Iraq.
The British people have long appeared cautious, if not downright suspicious, of politicians who claim to be motivated by faith

Analysis: God and politics
PM Iraq war comments in full

"When you're faced with a decision like that, and some of those decisions have been very, very difficult, most of all because you know... there are people's lives... and, in some case, their death," he said.
"The only way you can take a decision like that is to try to do the right thing according to your conscience."
He said: "I think if you have faith about these things, then you realise that that judgement is made by other people... and if you believe in God, it's made by God as well."

When asked if he had prayed to God on the matter, he replied: "I don't want to go into that... you struggle with your own conscience about it... in the end, you do what you think is the right thing."

Red Caps killed
Mr Keys, who stood in the 2005 General Election as an anti-war candidate in Mr Blair's constituency of Sedgefield, said religion had nothing to do with the Iraq war.
"And the people who will be his judge is not God, it will be the families of the bereaved British soldiers and it will be the families of the bereaved innocent Iraqis who have all been slaughtered in this totally unnecessary conflict."

HAVE YOUR SAY
As an elected official he has to answer to his electorate before he answers to his God
Michael, Cheadle, UK
Send us your views Mr Keys' son, Lance Corporal Tom Keys, was one of six Red Caps killed by an Iraqi mob in Majar Al-Kabir in June 2003.
Mr Keys, the founder of campaign group Military Families Against The War, said going to war had been a "catastrophic political blunder".
He accused Mr Blair of "jumping on the same bandwagon" as US President George W Bush, who caused a storm after saying he decided to invade Iraq because he was on a "mission from God".

"Are we really seeing over 100 coffins coming back (to the UK) because God told him (Mr Blair) to go to war?"
Rose Gentle, whose son Gordon was killed in Basra in 2004, said: "A good Christian wouldn't be for this war.
"I'm actually quite disgusted by the comments. It's a joke."

'Reluctant'
Dr Evan Harris, a Liberal Democrat MP and honorary associate of the National Secular Society, said Mr Blair's comments were "bizarre" and warned against politicians making "references to deity" in public life.

BBC political correspondent Terry Stiasny said: "Tony Blair was very reluctant to actually say that he did pray to God about these decisions, and it's a reluctance we've often seen in Tony Blair in the past when it comes to talking about his own private religious faith...
"This is the nearest we've seen for some time of Tony Blair admitting a little bit that his actions were guided by his own private religious faith."







Mr Pound told BBC Two's Newsnight that Mr Blair was being "painfully honest" and, as he would not be seeking re-election as prime minister, his comments should be taken as apolitical.
"If this was anything to do with trying to appeal to the electorate, he wouldn't be so excruciatingly honest," he said.
"If he was trying to go that awful American route of guns, gods and gays and try to link politics to religion, then he wouldn't be doing it this way."
Addressing a union conference in London on Saturday, Mr Blair made a joke about the reaction to his remarks.
After saying he was sorry to have missed the opening address, the prime minister added: "I probably missed the prayers as well. That's a joke for the media."
Parkinson, ITV1, 2155 GMT on Saturday, 4 March

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/4773124.stm

one ting i am damn sure
America and Britain will never forget this period in their history which will be assigned to the joke books
and David Letterman and Jay Leno and gang made a killing

and we laff at the muslims and their jehad
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/02/27/opinion/polls/main1350874.shtml

advertizing gurus

hmmm

crazy mixed up kids

1. hehehe

at a bar one day

at a bar
a guy says to another
'i slept wid yr mom last night'

the whole bar room gasped
and waited for the blows to be exchanged



the other guy just laffs and says
'go home dad
u r drunk'

u r a bad man Charlie Brown

 

Popular Brands Of Condoms

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

SICK !

HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours!!

HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too!!!

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share!!!

HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!!

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!!!

HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I've already seen it!!!

HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck!!!

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
SHE: Yes, thats why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

the power of make up

hmmm

Love and Sex quotes

Billy Chrystal quipped
"Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a location."

SHOPPING FOR A BRA ...

(Author Unknown)

I ain't much for shopping, Or for goin' into town
Except at cattle-shipping time, I ain't too easily found.

But the day came when I hadda go... I left the kids with Ma.But 'fore I left, she asked me, "Would you pick me up a bra?"So without thinkin' I said, "Sure,"

How tough could that job be?
An' I bent down and kissed her an' said, "I'll be back by three."Well, I done the things I needed, But I started to regret
Ever offering to buy that thing... It worked me up a sweat.I walked into the ladies shop, my hat pulled over my eyes,I didn't want to take a chance on bein' recognized.

I walked up to the sales clerk... I didn't hem or haw-I told that lady right straight out, "I'm here to buy a bra."From behind I heard some snickers, so I turned around to see

Every woman in that store was a'gawkin' right at me!"What kind would you be looking for? Well, I just scratched my head.I'd only seen one kind before, "Thought bras was bras," I said.

She gave me a disgusted look, "Well sir, that's where you're wrong.Follow me," I heard her say, like a dog, I tagged along.

She took me down this alley where bras was on display.I thought my jaw would hit the floor when I saw that lingerie!
They had all these different styles that I'd never seen beforeI thought I'd go plumb crazy 'fore I left that women's store.

They had bras you wear for eighteen hours and bras that cross your heart.There was bras that lift and separate, and that was just the start.

They had bras that made you feel like you ain't wearing one at all,And bras that you can train in when you start off when you're small.Well, I finally made my mind up... picked a black and lacy one...

I told the lady, "Bag it up," And figured I was done.
But then she asked me for the size I didn\'t hesitateI knew that measurement by heart,
"A six-and-seven-eighths.""Six and seven eighths you say? That really isn\'t right.""Oh, yes ma\'am! I\'m real positive... I measured them last night!"I thought that she\'d go into shock, musta took her by surprise

When I told her that my wife\'s bust was the same as my hat size."That\'s what I used to measure with, I figured it was fair,But if I\'m wrong, I\'m sorry ma\'am." This drew another stare.By now a crowd had gathered and they all was crackin\' up

When the lady asked to see my hat, to measure for the cup.When she finally had it figured, I gave the gal her pay.Then I turned to leave the store, tipped my hat and said, "Good day.

"My wife had heard the story \'fore I ever made it home.She\'d talked to fifteen women who called her on the phone.She was still a-laughin\' but by then I didn\'t care.Now she don\'t ask and I don\'t shop for women\'s underwear...",

Katrina hott pics

sss

u are not just a good man Charlie Brown

u r the best !

Trigger happy in Iraq, the marines

stolen from www.grouchyoldcripple.com/

i bet u girls cant do dis ...

... pee straight into the bucket, i mean

Minnieeeeeee

sssmmoooccchhhes Minnnie

'Mouse Journalism' , Only Way We Can report on Iraq

By Matthew Lewin
10-20-5

"You cannot imagine just how bad things are in Iraq. ... Nothing of the reporting I see generally, except The Guardian and Patrick Cockburn in The Independent, really conveys the absolute agony and distress of Iraq."


The Independent's famously intrepid Middle East correspondent Robert Fisk has revealed that the situation in Iraq is now so dangerous that he doesn't know whether he can go on reporting from the country.

Fisk, who has previously accused colleagues of practising "hotel journalism" in Iraq, said that "mouse journalism" is now the best he can do in the country.

Fisk, whose new history of the Middle East, The Great War for Civilisation, has just been published, described mouse journalism as the practice of popping up at the scene of an event and staying just long enough to get the story, before the men with guns arrive.

Speaking at a bookshop in Golders Green, he said: "You cannot imagine just how bad things are in Iraq.

"A few weeks ago, I went to see a man whose son was killed by the Americans, and I was in his house for five minutes before armed men turned up in the street outside.

"He had to go and reason with them not to take me away. And this was an ordinary Baghdad suburb, not the Sunni Triangle or Fallujah.

"It has got to the stage where, for example, when I went to have a look at the scene of a huge bomb in a bus station, I jumped out of the car and took two pictures before I was surrounded by a crowd of enraged Iraqis.

"I jumped back in the car and fled. I call that mouse journalism' " and that's all we can do now.

"If I go to see someone in any particular location, I give myself 12 minutes, because that is how long I reckon it takes a man with a mobile phone to summon gunmen to the scene in a car.

"So, after 10 minutes I am out. Don't be greedy. That's what reporting is like in Iraq."

He continued: "This country is nowhell " a disaster. You cannot imagine how bad it is. Nothing of the reporting I see generally, except The Guardian and Patrick Cockburn in The Independent, really conveys the absolute agony and distress of Iraq.

"The Ministry of Health, which is partly run by Americans, will not give out any figures for civilian casualties; staff are just not allowed to give us these figures.

"When I went to the city morgue in Baghdad one day nearly four weeks ago, I arrived at 9am and there were nineviolent death corpses there.

"By midday there were 26 corpses. When I managed to get access to the computer system of the mortuary, I discovered that in July 1,100 Iraqis had been killed in Baghdad alone.

"Multiply that across Iraq and you are talking about 3,000 a month or more, which means 36,000 a year.

"So these figures claiming 100,000 Iraqi civilian casualties are not necessarily conservative at all. But no-one wants to report on this.

"One of the delights of the occupying powers is that the journalists cannot move. When I travel outside Baghdad by road it takes me two weeks to plan it, because the roads are infested with insurgents, checkpoints, hooded men and throat-cutters. That's what it's like.

"It is almost impossible to get access to free information outside Baghdad or Basra. Most of the reporters who can travel are doing so as members of military convoys with armour to protect them.

"The last time I travelled to Najaf, the road was littered with burned-out American vehicles, smashed police vehicles, abandoned checkpoints and armed men. That's Iraq today " it's in a state of anarchy, and many areas of Baghdad are in fact now in insurgent hands."

He added: "This is a war the like of which I have never reported before.

Over and over again, we are escaping with our lives because we are lucky.

And it is getting much worse, not better " don't believe what Blair is telling you.

"It is very sad to have to say that I don't know if we can go on reporting in Iraq. I don't know if I can personally keep on going back.

"This last trip there was so dangerous and frightening, I actually said to some people that we were going to have to debate whether the risks are worth it all.

All contents copyright © 2005 Press Gazette Ltd.

http://www.pressgazette.co.uk/article/131005/mouse_journalism_is

gott dis from Pithaly

DAMN Sardars, and silly Punjabis

You should be sure the person is Sardar when he:
• puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to make up his mind.
• gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
• sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
• tries to drown a fish in water.
• thinks socialism means partying.
• trips over a cordless phone.
• takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
• At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here" he puts
"Sagittarius.".
• studies for a blood test and fails.
• sells the car for gas money.
• misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
• drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left", he turns around and
goes home.
• gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor.
* * * *


* * * * * *
What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?

Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
* * * * * *

Subject: FW: For All Goans

Hi, All Goans, Please acept my deepest sympathies, Just heard over the B.B.C that all goans are banned from the U.S.A, Very sad, but who can do anything about it, The goans asked for it with their very own passion for music, It so happened that the goans were having a party and as usual they always have to end up with the masala, and so you can very well guess what they sang, well if you dont know , it was..........
YE YE KATRINA, OH OH KATRINA, YE YE KATRINA, And their prayers were answered, Katrina hit and took off New Orleans, Obviously the Americans were angered and s ent all the goans back,
But some of them who had long acquired citizenship stayed back, But they made very sure not to sing in konkani, and stuck with the english songs, so when they were partying a week or so after Katrina hit, after a couple of good drinks th ey sang one of the famous english songs
SENORITA SENORITA ITS SPRING TIME But as you see with the goan accent , The good lord heard SEND O RITA SEND O RITA and u know the poo r goans prayers were answered and God sent them their RITA, OOPS Bad luck, so now you will see all of them sitting at Dona Paula, just fishing, drinking feni but Sorry no more singing
_____

Gott dis From Susan through Fr Anil
___________________________

censorship and decency and all dat crap ...

kkkk