SICK !

HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours!!

HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too!!!

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share!!!

HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!!

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!!!

HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I've already seen it!!!

HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck!!!

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
SHE: Yes, thats why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

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Love and Sex quotes

Billy Chrystal quipped
"Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a location."

SHOPPING FOR A BRA ...

(Author Unknown)

I ain't much for shopping, Or for goin' into town
Except at cattle-shipping time, I ain't too easily found.

But the day came when I hadda go... I left the kids with Ma.But 'fore I left, she asked me, "Would you pick me up a bra?"So without thinkin' I said, "Sure,"

How tough could that job be?
An' I bent down and kissed her an' said, "I'll be back by three."Well, I done the things I needed, But I started to regret
Ever offering to buy that thing... It worked me up a sweat.I walked into the ladies shop, my hat pulled over my eyes,I didn't want to take a chance on bein' recognized.

I walked up to the sales clerk... I didn't hem or haw-I told that lady right straight out, "I'm here to buy a bra."From behind I heard some snickers, so I turned around to see

Every woman in that store was a'gawkin' right at me!"What kind would you be looking for? Well, I just scratched my head.I'd only seen one kind before, "Thought bras was bras," I said.

She gave me a disgusted look, "Well sir, that's where you're wrong.Follow me," I heard her say, like a dog, I tagged along.

She took me down this alley where bras was on display.I thought my jaw would hit the floor when I saw that lingerie!
They had all these different styles that I'd never seen beforeI thought I'd go plumb crazy 'fore I left that women's store.

They had bras you wear for eighteen hours and bras that cross your heart.There was bras that lift and separate, and that was just the start.

They had bras that made you feel like you ain't wearing one at all,And bras that you can train in when you start off when you're small.Well, I finally made my mind up... picked a black and lacy one...

I told the lady, "Bag it up," And figured I was done.
But then she asked me for the size I didn\'t hesitateI knew that measurement by heart,
"A six-and-seven-eighths.""Six and seven eighths you say? That really isn\'t right.""Oh, yes ma\'am! I\'m real positive... I measured them last night!"I thought that she\'d go into shock, musta took her by surprise

When I told her that my wife\'s bust was the same as my hat size."That\'s what I used to measure with, I figured it was fair,But if I\'m wrong, I\'m sorry ma\'am." This drew another stare.By now a crowd had gathered and they all was crackin\' up

When the lady asked to see my hat, to measure for the cup.When she finally had it figured, I gave the gal her pay.Then I turned to leave the store, tipped my hat and said, "Good day.

"My wife had heard the story \'fore I ever made it home.She\'d talked to fifteen women who called her on the phone.She was still a-laughin\' but by then I didn\'t care.Now she don\'t ask and I don\'t shop for women\'s underwear...",

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