Popular Brands Of Condoms

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SICK !

HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours!!

HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too!!!

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share!!!

HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!!

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!!!

HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I've already seen it!!!

HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck!!!

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
SHE: Yes, thats why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

the power of make up

hmmm

Love and Sex quotes

Billy Chrystal quipped
"Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a location."

SHOPPING FOR A BRA ...

(Author Unknown)

I ain't much for shopping, Or for goin' into town
Except at cattle-shipping time, I ain't too easily found.

But the day came when I hadda go... I left the kids with Ma.But 'fore I left, she asked me, "Would you pick me up a bra?"So without thinkin' I said, "Sure,"

How tough could that job be?
An' I bent down and kissed her an' said, "I'll be back by three."Well, I done the things I needed, But I started to regret
Ever offering to buy that thing... It worked me up a sweat.I walked into the ladies shop, my hat pulled over my eyes,I didn't want to take a chance on bein' recognized.

I walked up to the sales clerk... I didn't hem or haw-I told that lady right straight out, "I'm here to buy a bra."From behind I heard some snickers, so I turned around to see

Every woman in that store was a'gawkin' right at me!"What kind would you be looking for? Well, I just scratched my head.I'd only seen one kind before, "Thought bras was bras," I said.

She gave me a disgusted look, "Well sir, that's where you're wrong.Follow me," I heard her say, like a dog, I tagged along.

She took me down this alley where bras was on display.I thought my jaw would hit the floor when I saw that lingerie!
They had all these different styles that I'd never seen beforeI thought I'd go plumb crazy 'fore I left that women's store.

They had bras you wear for eighteen hours and bras that cross your heart.There was bras that lift and separate, and that was just the start.

They had bras that made you feel like you ain't wearing one at all,And bras that you can train in when you start off when you're small.Well, I finally made my mind up... picked a black and lacy one...

I told the lady, "Bag it up," And figured I was done.
But then she asked me for the size I didn\'t hesitateI knew that measurement by heart,
"A six-and-seven-eighths.""Six and seven eighths you say? That really isn\'t right.""Oh, yes ma\'am! I\'m real positive... I measured them last night!"I thought that she\'d go into shock, musta took her by surprise

When I told her that my wife\'s bust was the same as my hat size."That\'s what I used to measure with, I figured it was fair,But if I\'m wrong, I\'m sorry ma\'am." This drew another stare.By now a crowd had gathered and they all was crackin\' up

When the lady asked to see my hat, to measure for the cup.When she finally had it figured, I gave the gal her pay.Then I turned to leave the store, tipped my hat and said, "Good day.

"My wife had heard the story \'fore I ever made it home.She\'d talked to fifteen women who called her on the phone.She was still a-laughin\' but by then I didn\'t care.Now she don\'t ask and I don\'t shop for women\'s underwear...",

Katrina hott pics

sss

u are not just a good man Charlie Brown

u r the best !

Trigger happy in Iraq, the marines

stolen from www.grouchyoldcripple.com/

i bet u girls cant do dis ...

... pee straight into the bucket, i mean

Minnieeeeeee

sssmmoooccchhhes Minnnie

'Mouse Journalism' , Only Way We Can report on Iraq

By Matthew Lewin
10-20-5

"You cannot imagine just how bad things are in Iraq. ... Nothing of the reporting I see generally, except The Guardian and Patrick Cockburn in The Independent, really conveys the absolute agony and distress of Iraq."


The Independent's famously intrepid Middle East correspondent Robert Fisk has revealed that the situation in Iraq is now so dangerous that he doesn't know whether he can go on reporting from the country.

Fisk, who has previously accused colleagues of practising "hotel journalism" in Iraq, said that "mouse journalism" is now the best he can do in the country.

Fisk, whose new history of the Middle East, The Great War for Civilisation, has just been published, described mouse journalism as the practice of popping up at the scene of an event and staying just long enough to get the story, before the men with guns arrive.

Speaking at a bookshop in Golders Green, he said: "You cannot imagine just how bad things are in Iraq.

"A few weeks ago, I went to see a man whose son was killed by the Americans, and I was in his house for five minutes before armed men turned up in the street outside.

"He had to go and reason with them not to take me away. And this was an ordinary Baghdad suburb, not the Sunni Triangle or Fallujah.

"It has got to the stage where, for example, when I went to have a look at the scene of a huge bomb in a bus station, I jumped out of the car and took two pictures before I was surrounded by a crowd of enraged Iraqis.

"I jumped back in the car and fled. I call that mouse journalism' " and that's all we can do now.

"If I go to see someone in any particular location, I give myself 12 minutes, because that is how long I reckon it takes a man with a mobile phone to summon gunmen to the scene in a car.

"So, after 10 minutes I am out. Don't be greedy. That's what reporting is like in Iraq."

He continued: "This country is nowhell " a disaster. You cannot imagine how bad it is. Nothing of the reporting I see generally, except The Guardian and Patrick Cockburn in The Independent, really conveys the absolute agony and distress of Iraq.

"The Ministry of Health, which is partly run by Americans, will not give out any figures for civilian casualties; staff are just not allowed to give us these figures.

"When I went to the city morgue in Baghdad one day nearly four weeks ago, I arrived at 9am and there were nineviolent death corpses there.

"By midday there were 26 corpses. When I managed to get access to the computer system of the mortuary, I discovered that in July 1,100 Iraqis had been killed in Baghdad alone.

"Multiply that across Iraq and you are talking about 3,000 a month or more, which means 36,000 a year.

"So these figures claiming 100,000 Iraqi civilian casualties are not necessarily conservative at all. But no-one wants to report on this.

"One of the delights of the occupying powers is that the journalists cannot move. When I travel outside Baghdad by road it takes me two weeks to plan it, because the roads are infested with insurgents, checkpoints, hooded men and throat-cutters. That's what it's like.

"It is almost impossible to get access to free information outside Baghdad or Basra. Most of the reporters who can travel are doing so as members of military convoys with armour to protect them.

"The last time I travelled to Najaf, the road was littered with burned-out American vehicles, smashed police vehicles, abandoned checkpoints and armed men. That's Iraq today " it's in a state of anarchy, and many areas of Baghdad are in fact now in insurgent hands."

He added: "This is a war the like of which I have never reported before.

Over and over again, we are escaping with our lives because we are lucky.

And it is getting much worse, not better " don't believe what Blair is telling you.

"It is very sad to have to say that I don't know if we can go on reporting in Iraq. I don't know if I can personally keep on going back.

"This last trip there was so dangerous and frightening, I actually said to some people that we were going to have to debate whether the risks are worth it all.

All contents copyright © 2005 Press Gazette Ltd.

http://www.pressgazette.co.uk/article/131005/mouse_journalism_is

gott dis from Pithaly

DAMN Sardars, and silly Punjabis

You should be sure the person is Sardar when he:
• puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to make up his mind.
• gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
• sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
• tries to drown a fish in water.
• thinks socialism means partying.
• trips over a cordless phone.
• takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
• At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here" he puts
"Sagittarius.".
• studies for a blood test and fails.
• sells the car for gas money.
• misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
• drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left", he turns around and
goes home.
• gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor.
* * * *


* * * * * *
What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?

Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
* * * * * *

Subject: FW: For All Goans

Hi, All Goans, Please acept my deepest sympathies, Just heard over the B.B.C that all goans are banned from the U.S.A, Very sad, but who can do anything about it, The goans asked for it with their very own passion for music, It so happened that the goans were having a party and as usual they always have to end up with the masala, and so you can very well guess what they sang, well if you dont know , it was..........
YE YE KATRINA, OH OH KATRINA, YE YE KATRINA, And their prayers were answered, Katrina hit and took off New Orleans, Obviously the Americans were angered and s ent all the goans back,
But some of them who had long acquired citizenship stayed back, But they made very sure not to sing in konkani, and stuck with the english songs, so when they were partying a week or so after Katrina hit, after a couple of good drinks th ey sang one of the famous english songs
SENORITA SENORITA ITS SPRING TIME But as you see with the goan accent , The good lord heard SEND O RITA SEND O RITA and u know the poo r goans prayers were answered and God sent them their RITA, OOPS Bad luck, so now you will see all of them sitting at Dona Paula, just fishing, drinking feni but Sorry no more singing
_____

Gott dis From Susan through Fr Anil
___________________________

censorship and decency and all dat crap ...

kkkk

forbidden love ....

kkkk

David Letterman ......

Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees."

I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.
"Fine art and pizza delivery, what we do falls neatly in between!"

Sometimes something worth doing is worth overdoing.

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move


http://www.creativequotations.com/one/1005.htm

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the one liner King , Jay Leno ....

How many have seen this movie "March of The Penguins”? It’s doing huge business. You know why they’re marching? They can’t afford the gas.

President Bush has indicated that the President of Iran will receive a visa to come to the United States. I’m as shocked as you. You still need a visa to come to the U.S.? I thought they did away with that stuff years ago.

As you know, President Bush is taking 5 weeks off. It’s like he’s still in the National Guard.

California education officials said today that the state of California needs 52,000 more teachers. They say we are facing a huge teacher shortage. In fact, by the year 2007, they said many students will be forced to have sex with each other.

Yesterday the Kansas City Royals lost their 13th game in a row. Thirteen in a row. So apparently, President Bush isn’t the only one taking the entire month of August off.

That 79-year-old priest from St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York City has resigned after allegations that he had an affair. He said he was stepping down to spend more time with his girlfriend.

According to "The New York Post”, runaway bride Jennifer Wilbanks was supposed to get married today, it never happened. Ironically she showed up at the church and everybody else left town.

Today is the 24th anniversary of the IBM personal computer. Experts say it revolutionized work and made people more productive at the office. Except for the six hours a day they’re emailing friends looking at porn and playing solitaire.


http://www.newsmax.com/liners.shtml

the Bihari .....

'I've mocked Vajpayee, but he admires me'
By Vinay Krishna Rastogi in Lucknow
Wednesday, 09 June , 2004, 15:45

King of Satire Shekhar Suman says his TV career has come to an end. He wants to get back to the film world. Excerpts from an exclusive interview:


What are your future plans on the small screen?
I think that my TV career has come to an end. It was like a holiday and now the holiday is over. I would now pursue my film career in right earnest.
Slide-Show: Shekhar Suman's dream Cabinet

But you have not yet bid adieu to TV because a new programme is to be telecast.
The new show will be telecast from June 5. It will be an extension of the Pol Khol show. While the lid-blowing Pol Khol satire was limited to elections and politicians, the new programme -- an extension of the old one -- would cover other aspects of life with a lot of humour and wit.

Tell us something more about the new show.
In the new format, the heat would be turned on all newsmakers, be it politicos, film personalities, industrialists, sports stars or others. I have, however, finally decided to say good bye to TV shortly.

Could you name some famous people who are your admirers?
I have ridiculed and lampooned Atalji a number of times. But as he is a true democrat and champion of free speech, he is one of my admirers. Sonia, I have heard, takes my gags and spoofs with a pinch of salt. Most hated man!

Have you made many enemies in the political world?
I don’t know. There might be silent enemies. But when I rub people on the wrong side, there is nothing personal about it

You have been blamed for taking side of certain political parties, as if you are their campaign manager.
This is wrong. I only know that the show has helped improving the sense of humour of the masses. I have tried to teach them the joy of laughing, even at one's own self . Humour makes you laugh. Bitter and sardonic criticism makes you angry

Do you think the rural folks are humourous?
I think people in the country side and small towns are capable of delivering grand rip-offs and crisp, sparkling wit than their counterparts in metros. They sprinkle wit like betel juice.

What is your opinion of Laloo Prasad Yadav, who also wins elections partly because of his rustic humour?
Laloo and I share interesting vibes. Shatrughan Sinha’s `Chamchas` wanted him to take me to task. But he only told them, "Let him do his job.”

THE JAY LENO HANGOVER
I have thoroughly objected to drawing parallels between us. When I started out, I didn't know who Jay Leno was. Basically, India has a tradition of stand-ups called Sutradhars. The idea is to relate with the common man. Just because he comes on CNBC, we are being compared. Bill Cosby, Johnny Carson, David Letterman and others have been legends in the stand-up act but each has his own unique flavour.

Little Johnny, the harami ....

Little Johnny drew a fly on the class grade book.
The teacher noticed the fly sitting on the grade book, so shesmacked it with a ruler.

But, the fly didn't fly away, so shesmacked the grade book once again. Again, the fly didn't flyaway.
This drove the teacher mad, so she started to pound the
grade book with the ruler and, as a result, the grade book
quickly amounted to nothing more than a bunch of torn sheets
of paper.

With the class laughing, the embarrassed teacher realized
what had happened.
That afternoon, the teacher called Little Johnny's father to
school.

"You see what your son did to our class grade book?"she said.

"That's nothing," remarked Little Johnny's father. "Last week,
he drew a naked woman on the fence in our yard and I've
been pulling splinters out of my dick ever since!"



more bad jokes go to http://www.funnyjokes.com/

i want Justice ...

dis wat i intend to do to dat Justine's face ....

my son is a better catlik .....

Anonymous said...
Religious Superiority

Four Catholic women were having coffee together,
discussing how great their children were.
The first woman tells her friends, "My son is a priest.
When he walks into the sermon hall, all the women call him "Father."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a Bishop.
Whenever he walks into the sermon hall, all the women address him as, 'Your Grace'.

"The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to belittle you, but my son is a cardinal.
Whenever he walks into the sermon hall, women address him 'YourEminence'.

"Then all three women started staring at the fourth woman and under pressure of looks the fourth one goes,
"My son is a gorgeous, tall, muscular, well built, handsome stripper.

Whenever he comes to sermon hall all the women go, "My God....!"

12:34 AM

a guy has just lost his job
his wife has eloped wid his chauffeur
and the bastard took his merc too


dis is definitely not the time to send him dis
http://www.superlaugh.com/1/behappy.htm

i just graduated, u can too follow instructions

The University of Blogging Presents to sabydasouza An Honorary Bachelor of Bad Poetry Majoring in Gossip Signed Dr. GoQuiz.com ®

Username:

Blogging Degree
From Go-Quiz.com

if u guys cant read the fine font
it reads BA in bad poetry

the University goofed dis belongs to Devile

i gott dis from Lady Sappho

and dis song goes out to Minnie ..

"Spanish Guitar"


A smoky room, a small cafe
They come to hear you play
And drink and dance the night away
I sit out in the crowd
And close my eyes
Dream you're mine
But you don't know

You don't even know that I am there
I wish that I was in your arms

Like that Spanish guitar
And you would play me through the night

'Till the dawnI wish you'd hold me in your arms
Like that Spanish guitar

All night long, all night long
I'd be your song, I'd be your song

Steal my heart with every note you play
I pray you'll look my way

And hold me to your heart someday
I long to be the one that you caress with tenderness

And you don't know
You don't even know that I exist I wish that I was in your arms

Like that Spanish guitar
And you would play me through the night
'Till the dawn

I wish you'd hold me in your arms
Like that Spanish guitar

All night long, all night long
I'd be your song, I'd be your song

Te sientas entre la genteCierras tu ojosY suenas que soy tuyoPero yo no siquiera se que estas ahiMe gustaria tenerte entre mis brazos amor

I sit out in the crowd
And close my eyes

Dream you're mine
And you don't know

You don't even know that I exist
I wish that I was in your arms

Like that Spanish guitar
And you would play me through the night

'Till the dawn
I wish you'd hold me in your arms

Like that Spanish guitar
All night long, all night long
I'd be your song, I'd be your song


http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/tonibraxton/spanishguitar.html
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=7534740618

[Thanks to cocoareese@netscape.net for correcting these lyrics][ http://www.azlyrics.com/ ]

The Strong Arm of Gill Gates and Microsoft!

7/27/2005



Give your heart your to GOD . . because your ass computer belongs to Bill Gates and Microsoft!!

Bill Gates will be frisking you with a simple point and click.

The next time you visit the website of Microsoft Corp. to download some software, be prepared to let the world's biggest software company have a look inside your computer.

In a determined strike to quell the proliferation of counterfeit software, beginning today, Microsoft will require that all customers coming to its website for upgrades and other downloads submit their computers to an electronic frisking.

If you use one of the estimated hundred million PCs running pirated software, don't expect your upgrade. For Microsoft, the new policy is a stepped-up effort to combat the loss of billions of dollars worth of software sales every year to counterfeiters around the world. But in ramping up efforts to fight piracy, the Redmond, Wash.-based behemoth already finds itself fending off critics over privacy.

"It sets an extremely negative precedent," Pam Dixon, executive director of World Privacy Forum, a non-profit public-interest research centre in San Diego, said of the company's initiative. "Microsoft is saying, 'Before I let you do anything at all, you have to open your computer to us.' I really object to this."

The company will scan machines for a variety of information, including product keys or software authorization codes, operating-system version and details on the flow of data between the operating system and other hardware, such as printers.

It is access to this information that particularly upsets the privacy advocates. Ms. Dixon says the only information Microsoft needs to fight piracy is the product key and the operating-system version, and she says that Microsoft will be able to identify users uniquely based on some of the information the company collects.

"They are grabbing more information than they need to deter piracy," she said.

If Microsoft deems a PC to be carrying contraband code, it won't allow a user to download Microsoft programs, with the exception of security patches. But the software company — which says that more than one in five U.S. computers runs a counterfeit version of its Windows product — is not just waving a stick. It is also offering a big carrot.

Microsoft said it will give a free copy of its Windows XP to customers who unknowingly bought a counterfeit version of the operating system and who fill out a piracy report, provide proof of purchase and send Microsoft the counterfeit CDs.

Customers who cannot provide proof of purchase but file a piracy report will receive a substantial discount on a legitimate version of the operating system, said Tim Prime, a product manager in the Windows client group at Microsoft Canada Co., a subsidiary of the U.S. company.

http://www.microsoft.com/billgates/bio.asp

In 1999, Gates wrote Business @ the Speed of Thought,

a book that shows how computer technology can solve business problems in fundamentally new ways. The book was published in 25 languages and is available in more than 60 countries.

Business @ the Speed of Thought has received wide critical acclaim, and was listed on the best-seller lists of the New York Times, USA Today, the Wall Street Journal and Amazon.com.

Gates' previous book, The Road Ahead, published in 1995, held the No. 1 spot on the New York Times' bestseller list for seven weeks.

Gates has donated the proceeds of both books to non-profit organizations that support the use of technology in education and skills development.

'i am proud to be an american',
says OPIE http://sometimes-i-do.blogspot.com/
but Uncle Sam hates the guy, he is weird
# posted by Opie Outlaw @ 7/27/2005 <> (2) Trackback (0)

i was taken away, but i wasnt like dis when it happened ..
dis is me ..
http://www.jibjab.com/sendables/view/5RSpV38qv1CXBqFAOJYZ9A39

yeah, u guessed it - doctored by GOMEY ...

dis is why i love football
and GOMEY
http://gomeanimalfarm.blogspot.com/2005/07/gome-cant-believe-his-own-eyes.html#comments

Caption contest ... all invited no entry fee, but loosers will be sent to GOMEY's farm where u only find Gomey and other animals

..

Heyyyy Gomey, i bet these animals are from yr farm ....

thou shall not kill ...

Julia walked into a drgstore

'i want cyanide '
Gomey, the druggist did a double take

'watever for ?'
'i want to kill Saby

Julia i cant , we both will be arrested


Julia reached into her purse
and pulled out a pic
of her hubby in bed wid the pharmacists wife


Gomey looked at the pic
and said: 'well now, u didnt tell me u had a prescription'